guest post // lindsay from trial by sapphire.

I'm so excited to be filling in for Bobbi today while she's gallivanting about town with Ryan! I fell in love with "met" her earlier this year, she designed my blog, and she is officially one of my favorite women in the world. I want to be her when I grow up! Just kidding... kind of.

Did you know what you wanted to be when you grew up?

What are your talents?

What have you excelled at?

Once upon a time, I considered pursing musical theatre. Since I was four years old, life had been filled with singing, dancing, and performing. I had my first paying professional gig at 10, and I was sure that I'd be famous, or some variation of it, some day. I lived and breathed performing -- in school, after school, and on the weekends.

Backstage at "The Nutcracker" ballet, 1990 // Randy Newman's "Faust", 1995 (Kneeling on the floor. At the time, I had no idea that I was working with Broadway vets, present and future.)

The Wizard of Oz (I'm the far left tree!), 2001 // Pump Boys & Dinettes, 2002

Before there was "Glee", I was in a REAL show choir. (I'm doing the
shoulder-sit in the middle.) Competition at Disneyland, 2001

At the ripe age of 20, I decided against pursuing theatre after much internal debate. Being on stage was my dream job, but realistically, it wasn't a lifestyle I wanted, and I felt in my heart that I was a big fish in a small pond. *gulp* Yes, I admitted it and made an adult decision.

I've had a handful of conversations about my decision, and I've received agreement and otherwise. I didn't want to live paycheck to paycheck. I didn't want to move every few months for work. Musical theatre isn't exactly overflowing with roles for Asian/Pacific Islanders. I'd have to pass for Latina or Black to increase my "castability". (Broadway is not color blind, and type casting is real.) I also felt like I'd only ever be in the ensemble, at best. I had always been told I had talent, but this large world is dripping with talented girls! I was unsure of how happy I would be if performing was my livelihood. I could see disappointment and questioning oozing from the eyes of the few listening. Their eyes said, Well, then, you must not be passionate about it. You must not want it enough. Everything comes at a cost. I wanted more stability, and I don't think I'm a bad person for that.

Choosing not to pursue something that was a huge part of my life and that I was quite good at (good enough, at least) isn't good or bad. It's a choice! I still appreciate the performing arts. Being good at something does not obligate a person to do it. That
"something" would only be truly good if the person's heart is in it, right? If I constantly had the pressure of landing my next role, I don't know that I'd be happy.

Since I work full-time, it may not be possible for me to audition for shows year-round, but you'd be amazed at the ways I've still been able to keep my feet wet. I've performed at a theme park, sung the national anthem at a few MLB games, taught voice lessons for an after-school program, sung in wedding ceremonies, done community theatre, and was even able to make the time to understudy a few roles for a professional musical. Where there's a will, there's a way!

Christmas Shamu Show, SeaWorld SanDiego, 2008 (and 2004 and 2005) // "Joseph... Dreamcoat", 2010 (I'm in the red skirt at the front.)

I feel like I've achieved balance. I enjoy the craft, I feel energized when I get to sing, and I still have my "normal" life to come home to at the end of the day. The years spent in voice lessons, dance classes, and rehearsals were not a waste. I learned a lot about myself in that time. I learned how to collaborate, how to apply "stage presence" in real life, how to teach, and how to take direction. I've found that it's necessary to learn from experiences, and sometimes, it's healthy to know when it's time to move on. Now I find my joy in supporting my friends who make a living in the theatre!

I will always love singing and dancing. I'll keep finding ways to integrate pieces of performing into my life. I guess it would be called a hobby now. I didn't lose my ambition. I put it toward a different path, and I know I made the right choice for me.

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Thank you, Lindsay, for such a great post! I really appreciate you taking the time to give my readers a glimpse into your life!

You guys can find Lindsay here, and stalk her on Twitter here. :)

Happy Tuesday!